💌 Why is Change so Hard?


Hello Reader!​ ​

This week, I'm exploring staying open, why change is so hard, and micro-actions to combat imposter syndrome.


Feel

I got caught in a sea of kindergarten love last week, and it was wonderful❤️I was trying to get out of our elementary school and ended up having to wait as the classes came in for the day. So I smiled at the happy ones, the nervous ones, and even the sad one. And then something amazing happened. One decided to hug me! And then another! And another! Suddenly, I was getting a stream of hugs from kindergarteners.

And all I could think was "This is it!" This is all that matters. Whatever we're doing to take away this openness and show of love from these kiddos is everything that needs to stop. We have plenty of food, and we have the infrastructure to keep everyone safe from the elements. It's time we start to come together and keep the openness to love going.

I want to know when this changes for kids. At what age do they turn away and become jaded? I know some of it's hormones, but a lot of it is our own fear we project onto them. We need to stop being so afraid so they can not start being afraid. I'm excited to look into ways to do this!


Change

It's fall and I'm so happy the leaves are changing, and at least the nights are getting cooler! I used to hate change because it meant going into the unknown. Now I love it, but I still struggle to make the changes I want in my life unless it's an emergency. So I've been studying why it's so hard to change.

Our brains are designed for survival, not transformation. Every time we attempt to change a behavior, thought pattern, or life circumstance, our brains interpret it as potential danger and activate protective mechanisms to keep us exactly where we are.

Even when our current situation causes suffering, it's familiar suffering. Our brains know how to handle it, what to expect, and how to survive it. Change introduces uncertainty, and uncertainty activates our amygdala, the brain's threat detection system. This creates the paradox where staying miserable feels safer than pursuing something better but unknown.

When we try to just "think positively" or use affirmations without processing underlying emotions, we create internal conflict. Our conscious minds say, "I can do this!" while our emotional bodies scream, "Danger! Stay safe!" This dissonance increases anxiety and makes change even harder.

Change becomes significantly easier when we work with our brains' design rather than against it, addressing emotions before thoughts and thoughts before behaviors. With clear emotions and aligned thoughts, we build new behaviors from authenticity rather than willpower. Actions flow naturally from this integrated state rather than requiring constant forced effort.

So we can't just jump into changing our behavior. We have to feel our emotions around our patterns first, and then we can change how we feel about them and ourselves. It's not easy and takes time, but can lead to the lasting changes we really want in our lives.


Build

This week on LinkedIn, I'm exploring imposter syndrome and how to combat it. Here are 4 ways to stop imposter syndrome in its tracks:

#1 MICRO-ACTION: Accept a Compliment

New response template: "Thank you. I worked hard on that and I'm proud of the result."

Breaking it down:

  • "Thank you" - Acknowledges without deflecting
  • "I worked hard" - Attributes to your effort (internal)
  • "I'm proud" - Claims ownership of the outcome

Next compliment you receive, resist deflecting. Own it.

#2 MICRO-ACTION: Build a Proof File

What it is: A documented collection of evidence proving your competence

What to include:

  • Positive emails and feedback
  • Awards and recognition
  • Measurable results you achieved
  • Testimonials from colleagues/clients
  • Projects completed successfully
  • Skills acquired and applied

When to use it: review before interviews, presentations, & negotiations and read when "I'm a fraud" thinking activates.

#3 MICRO-ACTION: Share Your Expertise

Teaching others what you know is one of the fastest ways to internalize your own competence.

Why it works:

  • Forces you to organize your knowledge
  • Others' questions reveal your depth
  • Seeing impact on others proves value
  • You can't hide from evidence when teaching

Teaching = Witnessing your own expertise

#4 MICRO-ACTION: Normalize the Learning Curve

Research on expert development:

  • Experts know what they don't know (metacognition)
  • Competence = knowing + knowing what you need to learn
  • Growth requires encountering unknowns
  • "I don't know yet" is a sign of learning, not fraudulence

Impostor syndrome can't survive in an environment where learning is expected, not shameful.


Thank you for taking the time to read!

Have a lovely day! - Kate

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Kate York

I write the Feel Change Build weekly newsletter about trusting emotions, transforming thoughts, and building lives that break the mold.

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