Hello Reader!​ ​

This week, I'm exploring feeling what's right, getting unstuck, and what makes a strong online community. In between pumpkin carving and making sure the yard inflatable decorations don't fly away, big topics keep coming up in our house. I try not to scare my kids, but I don't shelter them either. An important part of my quest for knowledge is to instill in them a curiosity to question why things are the way they are and how they can help to make them better. So we talk about all the things happening in our community, our country, and our world in hopes that they will be prepared for when they can have a bigger impact on them.

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Feel

"How do you feel what's right?"

This was the topic of conversation on the car ride to school today. We were talking about how different people feel things differently. My kids were bemoaning their unfeeling teachers, and I suggested that maybe they process feelings differently and show empathy in other ways.

One of their teachers can seem particularly cold when you first meet her. She was very businesslike at our conference last year, and I tried not to take it personally. I pride myself on connecting with people (recovering people pleaser, remember?) and left our interaction feeling frustrated. But this particular teacher was involved in my kiddo's clubs and other activities, so I ended up getting to know her better and understanding her more. She wasn't cold; she just didn't feel the need for small talk or excessive pleasantries. Something some kids appreciate and some may find unsettling.

When my kids said they felt like she didn't care about them, I pointed out all the volunteering she does for their clubs. And that she has kids of her own and her own life and struggles she might not share. This got them thinking, and they said, "She must care and just not show it the ways we're used to."

We decided that even though we couldn't really know what other people are feeling without asking them, we could still empathize with them. We could also trust them to have our best interests at heart because they do the right things. And this raised the big question of what feeling causes us to do the 'right thing? (I decided to save the question of what the right things are for another time. One big discussion at a time around here!)

The suggestions were love, guilt, sadness, a sense of wanting to help, justice, and pride. I thought this was a pretty good list. I've never really thought about what emotion drives what feels morally right. It just seems like a given. I know a lot of this is how we were raised, but as adults, what we consider the right thing to do can change. So I think the next time I'm doing the right thing, I'm going to interrogate my feelings and see if it's an obligation or something bigger.

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Change

Feeling stuck? It’s not your intelligence, it’s your rigidity. Whether it’s work, relationships, or personal growth, we often try harder when we should be thinking differently. We need to have more cognitive flexibility, the ability to switch strategies, modes, and mindsets. From toggling between tasks and connections in relationships to shifting identity in growth, here’s how flexibility fuels breakthroughs.

STRATEGY SWITCH AT WORK

When your approach isn't working:

❌ Don't: Analyze harder, work longer, push through

✅ Do: Switch thinking modes

The pattern:

Analytical thinking not working? → Try intuitive thinking

Details overwhelming? → Zoom out to the big picture

Solo struggle? → Bring in different perspectives

Research by Dr. Adam Grant: Leaders who switch strategies outperform those who persist with failing approaches by 3x

MODE TOGGLE IN RELATIONSHIPS

When connection breaks down:

❌ Don't: Explain better, fix harder, prove your point

✅ Do: Switch your operating system

The toggle:

Task mode → Connection mode

Fixing → Feeling

Talking → Listening

Analyzing → Attuning

Before responding, ask: "Does this need my competence or my presence?"

IDENTITY SHIFT IN PERSONAL GROWTH

When transformation stalls:

❌ Don't: Try harder, optimize more, stay in control

✅ Do: Switch your growth approach

The evolution:

Proving → Learning

Perfecting → Experimenting

Knowing → Discovering

Protecting image → Embracing change

Question: "What do I need to become, not just achieve?"

How To Get Unstuck

Daily Check-in: Where am I stuck using the same approach? (For me, it's switching from task mode to connection mode. I jump to fixing the problem instead of just listening to my loved one first.)

Weekly Experiment: Choose one area to try a completely different strategy.

Monthly Review: Where did flexibility create breakthroughs? Where did rigidity keep me stuck?

The truth about getting unstuck:

Your intelligence got you here.

Your flexibility will get you where you want to go.

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Build

What would you want from a Feel Change Build community?

I'm asking you, dear reader, what would inspire you to join the community I'm building. I'm asking you because you're reading the newsletter, so you must be getting something out of it. (Or it's a sympathy read, and in that case, thanks Aunt! 😂)

But seriously, what makes you see my name in your inbox and open this newsletter?

• The hilarious yet heartwarming stories of what I get myself into every week?
• How-tos on changing your thoughts or exploring your emotions?
• The inspiration to build something of your own?

I hear from some of you sometimes when a particular topic strikes a chord in your life, but I'd love to hear from all of you. I want to build something for all of us. Something that works for us and fills a need in our lives. Something we want to share with our friends and neighbors who might be struggling too. I'd love for Feel Change Build to have in-person chapters someday as well.

For now, here are some of the features I'm planning for the Feel Change Build Community:

📚 The FCB Resource Library

Access to science-backed frameworks for processing emotions, transforming limiting thoughts, and building the life you actually want (not the one you think you should).
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​🍽️ Weekly Lunch & Learns

Every week, I'll host live sessions where I teach science-backed methods for change along with a Q&A.
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💼 Professional Polish Package

Receive a YEARLY comprehensive review of
your resume AND LinkedIn profile to ensure your professional presence matches your potential.
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💬 Daily Real-Life Discussions

Replace your social media scroll with meaningful conversations about:

• Career moves and workplace dynamics
• Relationship challenges and wins
• Parenting struggles and successes
• Personal growth victories and setbacks
• Dreams you're working toward (or afraid to pursue)

So if any of this sounds exciting to you, please email me back and let me know your thoughts!

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Thank you for taking the time to read.

Have a lovely day! - Kate

Psst!

The Feel Change Build community is coming! Founding membership will be opening up in November. So if you want a chance to be part of a community of women sharing science-backed methods to change their lives, hit reply and let me know!

feelChangeBUILD.com