💌 How to Learn Your Self-Worth

Hello Reader!

This week, I'm exploring self-worth, why you should embrace differences of opinion, and strengthening relationships as they are.

Feel

After deep diving into imposter syndrome a couple of weeks ago, I've been contemplating self-worth. I've always had a lot of confidence in my abilities when it comes to measurable outcomes. Got good grades. Followed directions. Did what I was told. And was mostly rewarded accordingly.

So when I started trying lots of new things, like writing a novel or applying for jobs I didn't fit all the qualifications for, I wasn't overly worried. But hundreds of rejections later, I have to admit, my confidence has been shaken.

I've learned more of the right procedures for getting a book deal or landing my dream job. I've tried over and over again. I've even taught what I've learned to others, and they've had success! But I still couldn't move the needle for myself.

So when your self-worth is built on your ability to get things done, what does it mean when you can't? It's easy to feel like a failure. And I have a lot. Then I learned that self-esteem and self-worth are different. Self-esteem comes from external victories like getting a promotion or a book deal. But self-worth needs to come from within. And that's what I need to work on.

Here's what I've discovered about self-worth and how to build it up so far. But I'm going to be investigating it for some time. And for now, I'm going to be taking the advice from a new friend, Raychel Anderson Jones, and remember that I'm a 'human being, not a human doing.'

Change

I've always loved debating. My favorite thing about the debate team in high school was having to find evidence for the counter-argument I didn't believe in. It was hard but so rewarding. I also have a lot of empathy and easily put myself into others' shoes when they're upset or scared. I think it's really helped my creative problem-solving and made me a deeper thinker.

Surrounding yourself with people who think differently from you can have lots of benefits:

Dr. Charlan Nemeth's studies show:

People exposed to dissenting viewpoints:

✅ Consider more alternatives

✅ Detect more solutions

✅ Process information more deeply

✅ Make better decisions

Instead of asking: "How do I prove them wrong?"

Ask: "What are they seeing that I'm not?"

This single shift changes everything:

❌ Defense →✅ Curiosity

❌ Threat →✅ Information

❌ Win/lose →✅ Learn/grow

Don't listen for:

• Where they're wrong

• How to counter their argument

• When to jump in with your point

Listen for:

✅ What shaped this perspective

✅ What evidence convinced them

✅ What I'm not considering

✅ Where my thinking has gaps

Instead of debating, ask:

"What led you to that conclusion?"

"What am I missing from your perspective?"

"What would change your mind about this?"

"What experience shaped this view?"

These questions unlock understanding, not argument. There is so much more to our world that we miss because we think we already know. Giving people a chance to share their views opens so many doors to new connections and opportunities.

Build

I loved going to the movies with my dad as a kid. And so did he. I swear we saw Home Alone in the theater at least 3 times! My brother, his friends, and my friends all have fond memories of my dad taking us to the movies.

Unfortunately, I've been out of the movie season of my life for a long time. I can't remember the last time I watched a movie all at once at home. That's pretty bad for a cinema major! We have been back in the theater this summer for Lilo & Stitch, Freakier Friday, and the Father's Day showing of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, which we took my dad to, of course. These were special occasions and took a lot of coordinating.

But we have something else that brings us almost as much joy as watching films together. Only Murders in the Building on Hulu! I first saw the show on a flight and knew my dad needed to see it. As huge Three Amigos fans, Steve Martin and Martin Short are two of our favorite comedians, and their humor never gets old. Selena Gomez is such an unlikely pairing with them that it's delightful!

And the 45 minute episodes at home are perfect to watch with him after the kids go to bed. It keeps the fun of movies alive and brings new things to laugh about together. Our relationships can't always stay the same because we change as life does. But sometimes you find a perfect way to blend the old with the new.

Thank you for taking the time to read!

Have a lovely day! - Kate