I'm here for women who are done apologizing for their emotions, asking permission to change, and building lives designed by committee. Your intensity isn't too much - it's your superpower. Your thoughts aren't broken - they're just protective patterns ready for revolution. Your dreams aren't too big - they're finally big enough.
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How to Ask for Flexibility, the Hidden Price of Being the "Capable One," & Family Calendars
Published 2 months ago • 4 min read
Hello Reader!
With back to school, I'm covering how to ask for more flexibility at work because they want you to volunteer how many hours? And the hidden price of being everyone's go-to gal, along with a simple (and free!) family calendar solution!
Feel
"What time is practice?" "What's for dinner?" "Where's my protractor?"
There should be speed testing for the number of questions we're expected to handle ALL DAY LONG. Forget multitasking; being asked a billion questions a day (a lot of them over and over!) is what's frying my brain.
Such is the life of the 'capable one.' At home, at work, even at the bar, "Which way's the restroom?" Seriously, I must have a sign on my forehead that says, "How may I help you?"
However, I have been working on my boundaries and have been trying out a little phrase: I don't know. Could you look it up and let me know?
Groundbreaking, I know. But it has been helping with my kiddos at least. To get them to stop treating me like an encyclopedia, I've given them the gift of finding out for themselves. I hand them the phone and say, "Ask the supercomputer in your hand."
They get the thrill of using the unfettered internet (don't worry, they usually don't let me get too far away from them) and get to finish what I was doing before they interrupted. It's also teaching them agency. Which has become one of my biggest parenting goals: raising high-agency kids. Every time they say "Someone should...", I ask them why not them. For every good idea, I try to let them handle it. And I praise them for problem-solving on their own.
I do this so hopefully they'll have no problem going after what they want as they get older, but also selfishly so I have less to do. I have a problem over-helping and over-volunteering but I'm working on it.
If you're the 'capable one' in everyone's lives around you, check out my post here on how to start setting boundaries of your own:
Now that the kids are FINALLY back in school, you may be rethinking your work schedule. Your employer might be as well with a lot of return to office orders becoming possible. So I compiled a framework to ask for more flexibility at work to fit better into your busy lifestyle.
Step 1: Lead with Results "Over the past (timeframe), I've consistently met or exceeded my goals. My performance metrics show (concrete data). I want to maintain this level of excellence while adapting to new office requirements."
Step 2: Present Your Proposal "I'd like to propose a flexible arrangement that ensures I'm in the office for maximum collaboration while maintaining the productivity I've demonstrated. Specifically, I'm requesting (hybrid or compressed schedule, flexible commute or project hours, etc.)"
Step 3: Address Business Benefits "This arrangement would benefit the team because I would still be available from home but able to focus on getting more work done. It aligns with company goals by (connection to business objectives)."
Step 4: Offer Accountability "I'm happy to establish specific metrics to measure success and schedule regular check-ins to ensure this arrangement is working for everyone."
With this strategy, you're opening the door to a conversation about flexibility that is based on your reliable performance history. You've shown yourself to be good at your job and can be trusted to continue to be a productive member of the team. There may also be options you or your company haven't considered that will work for both of you.
If they say no, accept their answer gracefully while asking for further consideration in the future. A new opportunity may come up within your own company that's a better fit, or you may eventually be ready to look elsewhere.
Speaking of schedules, I've been frustrated for years trying to find the perfect scheduling app to fit our family. It has to have a calendar that everyone can see and add to, be available on both iOS and Android, have a spot for notes, and not need invitations for everyone to see what they need to.
I found a lot of functional and fancy options, but most had a monthly subscription. Then my son had a great idea: use a Google calendar. It comes in a free app, and all anyone needs is a Google account or Gmail to use it. They have a family calendar option that my son set up, and we all opted in.
Every event has a spot for notes. So I just put in a grocery shopping event, and everyone add items to the list in the notes. There is also a place to put in addresses, so if they're going to a friend's house we haven't been to, we can easily find it. It even has cute graphics on the schedule that the kids get a kick out of!
The best part is that anyone can check it at any time. So my daily questions of "When's the game?" or "What do we have Saturday?" are slowly diminishing. Maybe I'll start another newsletter with all this freed-up brain power. Or a community of crazy, ambitious women just like me 😉
Thank you for taking the time to read!
Please share with a friend to help the Feel Change Build Newsletter grow. More women need to know they can not only feel better but also go after what they really want.
Have a lovely day! - Kate
PS
I am starting a Feel Change Build Community! Coming sometime this fall (after the kids go back to school!), I'll be curating a community just for women who are ready to take their careers, relationships, and lives to the next level. It doesn't matter if you're just starting out, getting back to it, or are retired with valuable insights to share, I'd love to have you!
I will be building resources, workshops, and, of course, discussions along the way. I would love for the FCB community to be where you come for advice from your fellow women, who understand the struggles and triumphs we have daily! In a community where we're not feeding an algorithm that doesn't care about us or our missions.
If you're interested, please check out the link below:
I'm here for women who are done apologizing for their emotions, asking permission to change, and building lives designed by committee. Your intensity isn't too much - it's your superpower. Your thoughts aren't broken - they're just protective patterns ready for revolution. Your dreams aren't too big - they're finally big enough.
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