Dealing with Difficult People & Building a Community We Love

Hello Reader!

This week, we're exploring letting things go! Everything from past regrets to difficult people in our lives, I've been contemplating how much time and peace I get back when I say to myself, "What if this didn't matter to me?"

This week has also been a time to catch up on summer with swimming, bike riding, and, of course, coding. We had a lovely trip to the mountains last week to visit family, but now's the time to live up the rest of summer!

Feel

I used my 90-second Dual Awareness method this week rather effectively, if I do say so myself! I have a difficult person in my life who challenges me regularly, but instead of letting an encounter ruin the rest of my day, I stopped my angry thoughts. I took the time to let myself feel the frustration, and my toes wiggling in my shoes.

Then I took a few deep breaths and thought, "What if this didn't matter?" Not even "why do I care so much?" because that's a rabbit hole for a different day! No, this persona has said they will never change, but I have to deal with them nonetheless. So I decided that coming unglued every time they picked a fight with me wasn't worth my time.

And after a few more 90-second cycles (that's how long it takes to process an emotion in our bodies!), I felt better. I moved on with my day and actually forgot about it. I could even reflect on it later without anger. Now that's progress, baby!

Change

I have a friend who's having trouble with a coworker not pulling their weight at work, and I feel like we've all been there. We don't want to tattle to our boss, but we don't want to get stuck with all the extra work. So I put together some ideas on how to deal with the situation. Please reach out if you have anything to add!

Instead of silently doing extra:

Email after each meeting: "Here's what I'm handling: [list]. Bob, you're handling: [list]"
CC manager casually, not accusingly
Creates a paper trail without confrontation

When your coworker's work isn't done:

Don't automatically jump in
In meetings: "Bob, can you update us on [his task]?"
Let natural consequences unfold

Weekly email to manager:

"This week I completed..."
"I also supported the team by..."
Matter-of-fact, not complaining

Track for one week:

Time on her tasks vs covering for Bob
Energy before/after doing extra work
Present data: "I'm spending 40% of my time on others' work."

If ready, with the coworker directly:

"I've noticed I've been picking up extra tasks."
"I need to focus on my own deliverables."
"How can we both meet our commitments?"

To Manager (Factual Approach):

"I want to flag a workload imbalance. I'm currently handling [specific tasks] beyond my role. Can we discuss a more sustainable distribution?"

To Team (Collaborative Approach):

"I've noticed our task distribution might need adjusting. Could we review who owns what to ensure we're all able to deliver quality work?"

To Coworker (If Appropriate):

"I've been covering [specific tasks] but need to refocus on my core responsibilities. Let's figure out how to handle these moving forward."

Build

I'm starting a Feel Change Build Community! Coming this fall (after the kids go back to school!), I'll be curating a community just for women who are ready to take their careers, relationships, and lives to the next level. It doesn't matter if you're just starting out, getting back to it, or are retired with valuable insights to share, I'd love to have you!

I will be building resources, workshops, and, of course, discussions along the way. I would love for the FCB community to be where you come for advice from your fellow women, who understand the struggles and triumphs we have daily! In a community where we're not feeding an algorithm that doesn't care about us or our missions.

If you're interested, please check out the link below:

https://feel-change-build.kit.com/community

Thank you for taking the time to read!

Please share with a friend to help the Feel Change Build Newsletter grow. More women need to know they can not only feel better but also go after what they really want!

Have a lovely day! - Kate