I write the Feel Change Build weekly newsletter about trusting emotions, transforming thoughts, and building lives that break the mold.
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π How to Let Go of the Past
Published about 2 months agoΒ β’Β 3 min read
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Happy New Year Reader!β
I've been thinking a lot about letting go this week, including the benefits of moving on from the unchangeable past with steps to actually do it.
As a naturally curious person, I always want to know the why of things. Why did this happen? Why did they do this? Why do I feel this way about it? And on and on...
It leads to a lot of rumination. For me, I think it's mostly so I don't repeat past mistakes. And to better understand the people in my life. I've pretty much let go of random things out of my control, but how the people in my life act has always fascinated me. I guess that's what makes me a good writer!
I've started reading ββThe Callingβ by Rha Goddessβ, and one of the questions she asks is "What motivates most people?" I immediately answered: fear. I know this when I forgive a friend for snapping at me when I'm stressed. I know this when my mother buys too much at the dollar store. And I know this when I yell at my kids to prevent them from getting hurt.
Unfortunately, most of our actions come from fear when we are still living in a scarcity mindset. It's not ideal. And it's mostly not our fault. But it also means most of what I'm holding onto in the past wasn't done to me out of malice, and the wrong choices I made weren't out of 'being bad.' They were fear-based choices humans made trying to survive.
So why am I over-studying and still hurting from them now? I've decided it's time to finally let the past go. And here's how to do it.
Feel
1. Give each memory 90 seconds of honest feeling Stop analyzing. Put your hand on your heart and FEEL the hurt, anger, or disappointment for 90 seconds. Let your body complete what your mind keeps replaying. The emotion wants to move through you, not be solved by you.
2. Name what you needed but didn't get "I needed to feel safe." "I needed to be seen." "I needed to matter." The past hurts because a need went unmet. Naming it without judgment creates space to finally grieve it and move on.
3. Feel the grief of the unchangeable You can't rewrite what happened. That's devastating. Give yourself permission to feel the sadness that it can't be different. Grief completes what rumination never will.
Change
1. Reframe through the fear lens Every time you replay the past, ask: "What fear was driving them? What fear was driving me?" Shift from "Why did they hurt me?" to "What were they protecting themselves from?" This doesn't excuse it it but helps explain it, so you can move on.
2. Transform "Why?" into "What now?" Your curiosity is a gift, but "Why did this happen?" keeps you in the past. Replace it with: "What do I want to create from here?" Redirect that analytical energy toward your future, not their motives.
3. Catch the rumination pattern and choose expansion Notice when you start the mental replay. Say out loud: "This is my rumination pattern protecting me from uncertainty about the future." Then ask: "What would letting go create space for?"ββ
Build
1. Create a completion ritual Write what you're releasing on paper. Read it aloud. Then burn it, bury it, or rip it up. Your brain needs a physical marker that says "This chapter is closed." Ceremony matters.
2. Build one new thing from the lesson Don't just let go; build forward. What did this teach you? Use that wisdom to create one new boundary, one new choice, or one new pattern. Transform the past into fuel for what you're building.
3. Practice the phrase "That was then, this is now" Every time the past resurfaces, say it: "That was then, this is now." Then take one action in the present moment: text a friend, take a walk, or work on your calling. Train your brain that NOW is where your power lives.
You can't let go by understanding more. You let go by feeling completely, thinking differently, and building something new from the wisdom the past gave you.
Thank you for taking the time to read. Please feel free to forward this newsletter to a friend you think would enjoy it.
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