Hello Reader!​

Last week, we discussed how much agency we have and don't use. Now you're ready to do something but what do you do?

I've noticed my kiddos really struggling with decisions lately. I don't remember obnoxiously-opinionated middle-school Kate having the same problem. (Apologies to my MS besties on this list! I'm probably less snarky and funny now but a lot nicer 😂) I think it's because we have sooo many more choices today. What to eat, what to listen to, what to watch - all day long it's a smorgasbord of options that seem important. (Our momentary happiness is a stake, after all!)

But each decision takes at least a little bit of brain power every time we make one. And slowly throughout the day, we wear our brains out on making tiny decision after tiny decision. So when it comes time to make an important one, we're too tired. We farm it out. We ask anyone who'll answer. And end up resorting to a default life chosen by social norms that may not be what we want.

Research shows that the first step to making better decisions is to make less of them. And I'm all for doing less of anything that wears me down. So let's explore how we do that!

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Feel

Feel what decisions are actually yours vs. what you're deciding for others' comfort

At work: Boss asks: "Do you want to lead this project?" Notice: Do you actually want to, or are you trying to figure out what answer makes HIM comfortable? Feel in your body: Does "yes" create expansion or contraction? If contraction, that's your body saying this isn't aligned. Stop deciding based on what you think you should want.

At home: Everyone's asking what's for dinner. Notice: Are you actually deciding what YOU want to eat, or what will make everyone else stop complaining? Feel the difference between "I want pasta" (clear, simple) vs. "Well, I guess I could make chicken if everyone would eat it..." (decision fatigue making you people-please). Your preference matters too.

In relationships: Friend invites you to girls' weekend. You don't want to go but can't figure out why you're hesitating. Feel in your body: Is this "I need to recharge alone" (legitimate preference) or "I should want this" (performing friendship)? Stop making decisions based on who you think you should be.

Personal growth: Scrolling through 47 online courses trying to pick one. Notice: Are you deciding based on what actually calls to you, or what seems most impressive to post about? Feel the difference between genuine pull vs. should-based choosing. Analysis paralysis often means you're deciding for the wrong reasons.

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Track when you make your worst decisions (and stop deciding then)

At work: Notice when you agree to projects you later regret. Probably when you're: tired (end of day), stressed (overwhelmed), caught off-guard (put on spot), people-pleasing (wanting approval). Decision pattern: Stop saying yes to anything important after 3pm. Say "let me think about it and get back to you tomorrow morning."

At home: Notice when you snap and make reactive decisions you regret. Probably when: hungry (low blood sugar impairs prefrontal cortex), touched-out (sensory overload), interrupted 17 times (decision fatigue from constant micro-choices). Decision pattern: Don't make parenting decisions when you're in this state. Feed yourself first. Get 5 minutes alone. Then decide.

In relationships: Notice when you commit to things you don't actually want. Probably when: texted on the spot (no time to feel into it), in person (social pressure), comparison-triggered (someone else is doing it). Decision pattern: Never decide via text. Never decide in the moment. Always: "Let me check my calendar and get back to you."

Personal growth: Notice when you buy courses/books/programs you never use. Probably when: feeling behind (scarcity trigger), seeing everyone else do it (FOMO), late at night (impulse control low). Decision pattern: 48-hour rule before any purchase over $50. If you still want it in two days, buy it. You won't.

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Change

Transform How You Think About Decision-Making

Eliminate the belief that every decision requires deep analysis

At work: You spend 30 minutes researching which project management software to use. Stop. This is a reversible decision. Pick one, try it for a month, switch if needed. Transform: "I need to make the perfect choice" → "I need to make a good-enough choice and move on." Most decisions are reversible. Stop treating them like they're permanent.

At home: You're paralyzed choosing between two equally good preschools. Neither is wrong. Pick one. Transform: "What if I choose wrong?" → "There is no wrong; there are two different paths, both fine." Analysis paralysis comes from believing there's one perfect choice. There isn't. Choose and commit.

In relationships: Friend asks if you want to do dinner or drinks. You freeze trying to figure out which is "better." Stop. Transform: "I need to optimize every choice" → "Some decisions literally don't matter." Flip a coin. Say the first thing that comes to mind. Save your decision-making energy for what matters.

Personal growth: You've been researching meditation apps for two weeks. Pick one today. Any one. Transform: "I need all the information before deciding" → "Perfect information is impossible. I need enough information, then I choose." More research doesn't equal better decisions; it equals decision paralysis.

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Recognize that NOT deciding is still a decision (usually the wrong one)

At work: You've been "thinking about" asking for a raise for six months. By not deciding to ask, you've decided to accept current pay. Transform: "I'm just not ready to decide yet" → "Not deciding IS deciding, and it's usually deciding for the status quo." Stop pretending delay isn't a choice.

At home: You've been "considering" whether to leave your marriage for a year. By not deciding, you've decided to stay in limbo, which is its own torture. Transform: "I need more time to know" → "More time won't create certainty. At some point, I have to choose with incomplete information." Indecision is suffering.

In relationships: Toxic friend keeps boundary-violating. You keep "thinking about" whether to end the friendship. Meanwhile, she's still violating boundaries. Transform: "I don't want to make a hasty decision" → "My indecision is allowing behavior I've already decided is unacceptable." Make the decision you've already made.

Personal growth: You've been "meaning to" start therapy for years. Not scheduling it IS a decision not to go. Transform: "I'm going to do this eventually" → "Eventually is never. I either schedule it this week or admit I'm choosing not to." Stop lying to yourself that indecision isn't a choice.

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Shift from maximizing to satisficing (satisfy+ suffice)

The research (Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice):

• Maximizers: Try to make the absolute best choice, research endlessly, second-guess constantly, often less satisfied
• Satisficers: Set criteria for "good enough," choose first option that meets it, move on, report higher satisfaction

At work: Stop researching every software option. Set criteria: "Must integrate with our current tools, under $X/month, decent reviews." First option that meets it? Buy it. Transform: "I need the BEST option" → "I need a GOOD option so I can move forward." Maximizing wastes time for marginal gains.

At home: Stop reading 47 parenting books trying to find the perfect approach. Pick one that resonates. Try it. Transform: "What's the optimal parenting strategy?" → "What's a good-enough strategy I'll actually use?" Perfect parenting doesn't exist. Good-enough parenting is actually optimal.

In relationships: Stop curating the perfect birthday gift for three weeks. Set criteria: "Something they'd enjoy, shows I know them, reasonable price." Find it? Buy it. Done. Transform: "They deserve the perfect gift" → "They deserve a thoughtful gift and a non-stressed me." Maximizing robs you of presence.

Personal growth: Stop searching for the perfect morning routine. Try one. Adjust as you go. Transform: "What's the ultimate productivity system?" → "What's a simple system I can start tomorrow?" Done is better than perfect. Good enough is actually better than best (because you'll actually do it).

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Build

Create Systems That Eliminate Decisions

Automate the decisions that don't matter

At work: Stop deciding what to wear every morning. Create a uniform: black pants, rotate between 5 shirts. Steve Jobs wore the same thing daily. You can too. Decision eliminated: What to wear. Energy saved: 10 minutes and mental load every morning. Result: Faster mornings, less stress, more decision-making capacity for actual work.

At home: Stop deciding what's for dinner every night at 5pm when you're depleted. Make a meal template: Monday = pasta, Tuesday = tacos, Wednesday = chicken, Thursday = leftovers, Friday = pizza. Rotate the specifics within the template. Decision eliminated: Daily "what's for dinner" panic. Energy saved: Decision fatigue reduced, less 5pm stress, fewer arguments.

In relationships: Stop deciding when to see friends through constant back-and-forth texting. Set standing dates: First Friday of month = book club, Second Tuesday = coffee with Sandy. Decision eliminated: Scheduling every hangout. Energy saved: Reduced text load, guaranteed connection time, one decision instead of twelve.

Personal growth: Stop deciding whether to exercise each day. Set the pattern: M/W/F at 6am = gym. Don't decide—just do. Decision eliminated: "Should I work out today?" Energy saved: No morning negotiation, habit automation, decision-making capacity preserved for bigger things.

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Batch similar decisions to reduce decision fatigue

At work: Stop answering emails all day (constant micro-decisions about respond/delete/defer). Batch: Check email 9am, 1pm, 4pm only. In those windows, decide on everything at once. Why this works: Three decision sessions instead of fifty throughout the day. Your brain can handle three focused sessions better than constant interruption.

At home: Stop making individual grocery decisions every time you run out of something. Batch: Sunday meal planning, one grocery order, done for the week. Why this works: One 30-minute decision session instead of daily "what do we need" throughout the week. Plus fewer impulse purchases because you're not deciding while depleted.

In relationships: Stop responding to every social invitation as it comes. Batch: Once a week, look at calendar, decide which events you're committing to. Why this works: You can see the full picture (not overcommitting), you're deciding from calm (not reactive), you preserve energy for the actual events instead of constant RSVP decisions.

Personal growth: Stop deciding which self-improvement to tackle each time you have free time. Batch: Quarterly goal-setting session, commit to 1-3 focus areas for 3 months, ignore everything else. Why this works: One big decision per quarter instead of constant "should I be doing X?" comparisons. Depth over breadth. Finish things instead of starting everything.

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Use "decision rules" to eliminate entire categories of choices

At work: Create rules that remove decision-making:

• "I don't take meetings before 10am" (protects morning deep work)
• "I don't check Slack after 6pm" (protects evening)
• "I say no to anything that doesn't align with this year's three goals" (eliminates shiny object syndrome)

Result: Requests that violate your rules? Automatic no. No decision needed. Why this works: One decision (the rule) eliminates hundreds of micro-decisions (each request).

At home: Create household rules:

• "Kids choose their own clothes, no input from me unless weather-inappropriate" (eliminates daily clothing battles)
• "We don't buy toys except birthdays and holidays" (eliminates constant store negotiations)
• "Bedtime is 8pm, non-negotiable" (eliminates nightly "just one more" decisions)

Result: Rules are decided once, applied forever. Why this works: Reduces decision fatigue for everyone. Kids know the answer before asking.

In relationships: Create relationship rules:

• "I don't attend events out of obligation, only genuine desire" (eliminates guilt-based decisions)
• "My phone is set to do-not-disturb after 9 but if I'm awake, I'll respond" (protects sleep)
• "I say no to any commitment that requires me to miss our family dinner night" (protects priority)

Result: Invitations/requests get filtered through the rule, not deliberated individually. Why this works: Clarity for you and others. "I'd love to but that's a family dinner night" is easier than agonizing over every invitation.

Personal growth: Create self-care rules:

• "I take one full day off per month, non-negotiable"
• "I don't make big life decisions when I'm: hungry, tired, or stressed"
• "I invest in myself first (therapy, coaching, education) before discretionary spending"

Result: These become givens, not decisions. Why this works: Self-care moves from "if I have time/money/energy" to "this happens first, then other things."

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Design your environment to make the right choice the easy choice

The research (Behavioral economics, Nudge theory): Your environment shapes decisions more than willpower. Design for the behavior you want.

At work: Want to focus more? Close email, silence phone, close door = decision to focus made once by environment design instead of constantly resisting distractions. Environmental design: Make distraction hard, focus easy.

At home: Want kids to read more? Put books everywhere, put devices in away. The easier choice becomes the default. Environmental design: Make desired behavior easiest path, undesired behavior require effort.

In relationships: Want to connect more with partner? Schedule weekly date night in both calendars, hire babysitter in advance. The decision is already made; you just show up. Environmental design: Remove the "should we?" decision weekly by making it automatic.

Personal growth: Want to meditate daily? Put meditation cushion in your path to coffee maker. You literally can't avoid seeing it. Environmental design: Make the desired behavior unavoidable, not something you have to remember to choose.

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The Big Decisions: When It Actually Matters

Here's when you SHOULD take your time and use your full decision-making capacity:

Career changes: Quitting job, starting business, major role change

Relationship decisions: Marriage, divorce, moving in together, having kids

Major purchases: House, car, large investments

Health decisions: Surgery, major treatment plans, significant lifestyle changes

Value-based decisions: Anything that affects your core values or life direction

For these, you need:

• Rested brain (make these decisions in morning, after good sleep)
• Processed emotions (90-Second Method before deciding)
• Adequate information (not perfect, but enough)
• Time to sit with it (days to weeks, not months to years)
• Trusted input (but ultimately your choice)

How to make big decisions:

FEEL (Process emotions first):

• What am I afraid of? (90 seconds with each fear)
• What do I actually want? (hand on heart, ask your body)
• What would I do if I weren't afraid? (usually your answer)

CHANGE (Transform thought patterns):

• What protective pattern is influencing this? ("I should stay safe" vs. "This opportunity aligns with my calling")
• What would I tell my daughter to do? (often clearer than what to tell yourself)
• What does my future self wish I'd decided? (perspective shift)

BUILD (Make the decision, then create support):

• Set criteria for "good enough" (not perfect)
• Choose with incomplete information (you'll never have perfect data)
• Build the support system for the path you choose
• Trust you can handle whatever comes

Save your decision-making energy for the 10% that actually shapes your life.

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Thank you for taking the time to read. Please feel free to forward this newsletter to a friend you think would get some help out of it.

Have a lovely day! - Kate